Pink eye is one of those conditions that virtually guarantees that no one will want to look at you. You understand completely, because you can’t even look in the mirror in the morning – and not just because your eyelids are sealed shut with a crust you have to soak/scrub off – but because your eyes are red behind that green goop, and it’s just gross. And highly contagious!

Which sucks, because you’d finally gotten up the guts to start flirting and meeting new people to date. You were going to start with the barista at your local coffee shop, then go from there. But now you’re house-bound, with all this intense desire to open your life to a new relationship. What can you do??

You can pick up your smartphone and call into a phone dating chatline! Well, after you wipe your eyes again, and can finally see past the blurry smear that your prescription leaves behind. Or, if you’re really familiar with your phone, and can operate all the apps with your eyes closed, just pick it up and dial in! You can still meet hundreds, if not thousands, of local singles in your area who you can get to know over the week you’re not allowed to show up at work.

Fill your time listening to others share their stories, start some one-on-one conversations with a voice on the other end of the line that appeals to you. Talk all day and all night, if you want! Chatlines are available 24/7, and there’s always someone on!

Then, once you’re all better, and you’re cleared to go back to work and out in public again, you can start setting up dates! Since you’ve already gotten to know a few flirty singles over the phone, your in face meetings should be even more exciting, and considerable less nerve wracking than a traditional blind date. Plus, your eyes will be healed, so you can really feast them on that cutie you’ve been flirting with all week! With no risk of contagion, and only the high chance you have of getting laid in the near future, if not tonight!!